2010s: A Decade of Learning and Growth

Preface

Let me start my review of the last decade of my life by expressing the extreme gratitude I have for everything that I’ve experienced up to this moment. I recognize that I’m extremely fortunate and blessed in so many different ways. My life has been easy by almost any objective measure. Even more so when compared to others lives on a global scale.

I say this only because I don’t want to give the impression that I’m complaining in any way, looking for sympathy or having some type of pity party. I had some painful days in the last ten years but short of some loved ones dying, much of it was self-generated or a result of conscious decision making nonetheless. This post is mainly for me as a means of reflection journaling.

They say you aren’t punished FOR your sins but BY them, and I get that now. Depression is difficult to understand completely without having gone through it. It causes you to view the world and others differently. For me, falling into depression didn’t happen in a day, but was the culmination of many things occurring consecutively without a way to comprehend much of it. Looking backwards, much of the depression and anxiety that I experienced could have been related to how I was living my life. Was this darkness my “punishment” for living a life of excess and selfishness? If so, I can tell you that I earned it, and I deserved it.

Own Your Mistakes

Intuitively, I know that we shouldn’t spend a moment of our lives in comparison to others. That comparison is a recipe for misery and disappointment, a crime which many of us fall victim to in an age of Facebook and Instagram perfectionism…myself included. We are all on our own path, in our own timeline and the only person we should attempt to win against is the person we were yesterday. If only it were that simple, right?

As I review the last ten years, I find it hard NOT to compare myself against my friends and my peers, even though I know better. But I know that within every awesome vacation photo and every perfect family portrait we post, there are a thousand moments we choose NOT to share because none of us are perfect. We are human after all.

If the 2000’s represented my “perfect” years, my 2010’s represented a more complete picture of my humanity: the good, the bad and the ugly. As the “Noughties” closed, and January of 2010 began, I was still a single 30-something bachelor living in Dallas, Texas, very much on top of my own world.

Oh…how the next ten years would open my eyes, and humble me.

They were an awesome roller coaster ride, filled with some of the most exhilarating moments of my life and stained by some of the darkest.

Let’s jump right in:

2010-2019 Highlights

• I met my wife in June of 2010.
• Traveled to Belize in November of 2010
• Traveled to Australia and New Zealand in December of 2010
• Got engaged in St. Lucia in April of 2012.
• I was married in May of 2012.
• My first son was born in August of 2012.
• Celebrated my wife’s 30th birthday in NYC in 2012.
• I lost my Dad’s mother in 2013.
• My second son was born in August of 2013.
• I left a successful and stable career in 2014 to start my own business.
• I moved to Wichita Falls, Texas in 2014.
• I lost my Mother to cancer in 2014.
• I lost my Mom’s mother in 2015.
• I filed for bankruptcy in 2016.
• I moved to Houston in 2016.
• I lost my job in 2017.
• I found God in 2017.
• I moved to Austin in 2018.
• God helped me find peace (and myself) again…

It was a decade of joy: I traveled the world with great friends. I was married. I became the father of two, very cool, boys. I started a business and stepped out on my own as an entrepreneur for the first time.

It was a decade of failure: the loss of my business was my responsibility, and mine alone. I blame no one but myself. During my downfall and my subsequent attempt(s) at personal recovery I failed others and let them down, and for that I can only ask forgiveness. I was not the person I wanted to be and definitely not the man I wanted my children to look up to and model.

It was a decade of loss: I lost my mother. I lost both of my grandmothers. I lost my business. I lost my life savings. I lost control of my sobriety and fell into the deepest depths of depression. I lost some valued friendships in those moments, and even today I’m unsure if I’ll be able to regain them. But maybe one of the best losses I endured was the loss of myself, or rather, who I thought I was.

I wish I could say it didn’t take all of those failures and losses to help me see the need for change, but you simply can’t appreciate the good days without some hardships along the way and I guess it was past time for those lessons to come my way. While my childhood was far from perfect, my life, as a whole, leading up to 2010 was pretty damn good and I certainly took it for granted until it was almost too late.

When the whole idea of who you are and what you pictured your life becoming changes, it forces you to change. If the gap between your reality and your expectations is where your suffering lies, then my “gap” was a deep canyon for several years as I fought that change.

Thankfully, the last ten years also represented a significant period of growth and, both birth and rebirth: The birth of my marriage and my family changed everything. I surrendered and found both God and myself again. Today, I’ve rebounded in countless ways and started to build many new, healthy, friendships along the way and for that I’m eternally grateful.

The Next Ten Years?

If you had asked me what the last ten years would have looked like as I started them, I would have never imagined the path that manifested before me, so I hesitate with any predictions of the future.

As a serial planner, it’s hard NOT to imagine and set goals but I attempted to cover those topics in more detail here. So I’ll just focus on a few of my more general themes of hope:

• I hope for clarity of focus on my habits and the necessary wisdom and balance on which to keep and which to let go.
• I look forward to continuing to run further and faster.
• I hope for the discipline to maintain my miracle mornings.
• I ask for the gifts of increased kindness, gentleness and patience as a father, husband and a friend.
• I pray for the ability to surrender that which I can’t change.

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Lessons Learned

I don’t know if I learned all of these lessons during the last decade, but if not, they certainly came back for a refresher course:

• Don’t take your happiness for granted, it will pass.
• Don’t take your hardships too seriously, they too will pass.
• To be able to find peace in the middle of the storm, you have to live in, and weather a few storms.
• Sometimes the memories surrounding the darkest nights can bring strange comfort and joy in the sunniest of days.
• Learn to find the joy within yourself
• People enter your life for a reason or a season. Learn to differentiate between the two, but appreciate both.
• Life is one fleeting moment followed by another and none of them can ever be experienced in the same way again. Enjoy the moments.
• Silence is a gift
• The reality of life speaks to us in that silence.
• Everything in life provides us either an opportunity to grow or an obstacle to keep us from growing. We get to choose.
• When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.
• Miracles come in moments.
• Be willing to allow for the margins in your miracles.
• The state of your life is nothing more than a reflection of your state of mind.

Conclusion

Reviews of the past only help if they serve as a roadmap to improve your, or someone else’s future. I’m grateful for the events of the last decade. Through them I’ve found an inner-peace that I didn’t have before. I’ve changed to become, what I hope, is a better man for my wife, my children and my friends. I’m still imperfect and have a long way to go on my journey, but I’m now intentionally choosing each step so that I’m heading in the right direction, however slowly I’m moving. Surely along the way, I will continue to stumble and fall and will have to ask others for forgiveness, so help me remember to forgive those that let me down as well. We are all on our own path and have our own struggles that few ever see.

Peace and love to all.

What are your best memories of the last decade? What are some of the valuable lessons that you learned? How can you make the next ten years better than your last?

📚 See my full reading list → 24 books that rebuilt my life, each with a personal note on why it mattered.