6 Ways to Find Balance Between Perfection and Peace

What Exactly IS Balance?

Have you ever felt the pressure to continue to push yourself harder, while longing for a greater sense of inner peace? Have you ever struggled to find a balance between discipline and comfort, working too hard and not hard enough?

February was a difficult month for me. For the last thirteen months, I’ve prided myself on doing something hard each day to push my limits. I’ve set yearly and monthly goals and made sure I’ve built sustainable, daily habits to reinforce my path towards those goals. I’ve lived my life as a type “A”, driven, no-excuses kind of guy and always pushed myself to be a better man today than I was yesterday. So what happened in February?

I imploded.

Early in the month, as I reached the end of my half-marathon / 25k trail run training cycle and began my taper, I tapered a little TOO much. The cold weather, rain, and a nagging cough that I haven’t been able to shake, gave me perfect storm of excuses to surrender a bit. I convinced myself that I’d earned some rest, and with that, I cut my daily runs. I cut my twice-weekly HIIT workouts and let my diet slide. I settled into a comfortable place that I hadn’t been in a while and I enjoyed it, maybe a little TOO much.

“Take a break, take it easy on yourself, recover”, turned into what felt like laziness in a heartbeat. I felt guilty, even as I pulled the covers over my head and drifted back to sleep.

But when is enough, really enough? How do you walk the line between pushing yourself to become better each day and giving yourself a well-deserved break? How do you throttle your enthusiasm over your life plan to make it sustainable in the long run?

#1 – Review Your Recent Habits

Start by honestly assessing your current situation. Ask yourself a few key questions:

• What have my actual habits looked like this week? This month?
• Which of those habits take me closer to my goals and which pull me further away?
• What habits are holding me back that I’m not even aware of?

Take a good look at your regular routines. Are you making decisions that will improve your chance of success? Sometimes the habits we’re blind to, or refuse to acknowledge, can hurt us the most.

Let’s be real though, if your new habits aren’t established, and they aren’t consistent, then you can’t really expect to feel peace about giving yourself an early break.

If you aren’t passionate about your end goal, and it isn’t worth the effort, then choose another that excites you.

“Every action is a vote for the type of person you wish to become.”

James Clear – Atomic Habits

#2 – Lower Your Expectations

Unrealistic expectations create unnecessary burdens, and unmet expectations are recipes for disappointment. Is it possible that you’ve set the bar too high?

It’s okay, even advantageous, to start with small, easily achievable habits that grow as you progress. The important thing is to start, and keep your habits consistent. It’s your habits that, over time, will define your character and ultimately determine whether you meet your goals or fall short.

Allow yourself room to grow slowly and think long-term instead of quick-fix solutions. Recent studies show that it’s not 21 days to form an automatic habit, but closer to two months, or roughly 66 days. Make your habit one that’s easy to hold yourself accountable to so that it becomes second nature.

#3 – Give Yourself Grace

Give yourself some margin to make some mistakes and build in time for a few scheduled breaks. The important thing is to keep consistent over time. Most dangers don’t come from not reaching your goal the first time, but in abandoning it completely simply because you fell short your first time trying.

Leo Babauta and James Clear’s advice of not allowing yourself to miss two back-to-back days of your habit is a good rule to follow.

If you miss more than two scheduled days in a row, chances are good that you’re just starting a different habit!

#4 – Take Ownership of Your Shortcomings

Make sure you’re honest with yourself. Let’s not kid ourselves when we aren’t living up to our own expectations. If you’re struggling to keep your own commitments, then be vulnerable and ask others for help.

You don’t have to carry the weight alone. There are plenty of others that have struggled with your same issues or are shooting for similar goals. Reach out and find some support locally. Who knows, you might build some valuable friendships in the process.

Alone, we can do so little; together, we can do so much.

Helen Keller

#5 – Learn to Find Pleasure Inside of the Suffering

This advice sounds implausible (also, horrible.) By it’s very definition, suffering shouldn’t be pleasurable. The difference here, is that this type of suffering comes in the pursuit of your goals. The road to success is paved with 3 “D”s: discipline, dedication and determination. Week in. Week out. If you want to become better, you’ve got to find purpose behind the pain.

One of the unfortunate truths of life is that very few people have ever achieved something worthwhile without spilling a little of their own blood along their journey.

Daniel Chambliss, an American sociologist, on how top performers feel about hard work:

“At the higher levels of competitive swimming, something like an inversion of attitude takes place. The very features of the sport that the ‘C’ swimmer finds unpleasant, the top level swimmer enjoys. What others see as boring—swimming back and forth over a black line for two hours, say—they find peaceful, even meditative, often challenging, or therapeutic. They enjoy hard practices, look forward to difficult competitions, try to set difficult goals. Coming into the 5:30 A.M. practices at Mission Viejo, many of the swimmers were lively, laughing, talking, enjoying themselves, perhaps appreciating the fact that most people would positively hate doing it. It is incorrect to believe that top athletes suffer great sacrifices to achieve their goals. Often, they don’t see what they do as sacrificial at all. They like it.”

Daniel Chambliss, an American sociologist – Source: The Mundanity of Excellence

#6 – Allow Time for Silence

Of all things I’ve tried to help me improve my own life, the ONE thing that has helped me the most has been making time for silence.

In today’s world, there’s a constant battle for our attention. By making time for yourself and shutting off the noise, you’ll find the answers to the questions you’ve been asking for weeks.

Should I push myself harder, or back off? Give yourself some space for the answer to come to you.

It’s only in the silence that you’ll find the inner peace that you’ve been looking for. If you’re pushing yourself to the limit each day, the silence will allow you to rest and reset.

• “Silence is the sleep that nourishes wisdom..” – Francis Bacon
• “Silence is a source of great strength.” – Lao Tzu
• “In the silence behind what can be heard lies the answers we have been searching for for so long.” – Andreas Fransson
• “I think 99 times and find nothing. I stop thinking, swim in silence, and the truth comes to me.” – Albert Einstein

Conclusion

Perfect balance (or perfect ANYTHING) isn’t realistic, but you can find inner peace as you continue to make yourself better each day. Here’s a quick recap of the strategies I use to balance my desire to better myself while still taking the time to enjoy how far I’ve come on my journey.

• Take inventory of your daily habits.
• Make sure those habits are intentionally bringing you closer to your goals.
• Lower your expectations, especially related to the TIME that’s required to reach your goals.
• Give yourself some grace.
• Keep your habits healthy and consistent.
• If you miss a day, forgive yourself and get back after it again tomorrow.
• Take ownership of your shortcomings and failures.
• Work to build a community of people around you to hold you accountable and keep you moving forward.
• Find pleasure in making progress even as it gets more difficult.
• Make time for silence.

Striving to become better isn’t always easy, but your goals are worthwhile. Find pleasure in making progress towards them, even as it gets increasingly difficult. The more you progress, the harder it becomes to improve.

It’s important to reflect on how far you’ve come. Take a moment to breathe, relax and savor your progress…

OK, now get back to work!

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The breeze at dawn has secrets to tell you.
Don’t go back to sleep.

You must ask for what you really want.
Don’t go back to sleep.

People are going back and forth across the doorsill
where the two worlds touch.

The door is round and open.
Don’t go back to sleep.

“The Breeze At Dawn” – Rumi

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How do you balance the need to improve your life while making time for peace and relaxation?