How Do You Define Success For Your Life?

Define success on your own terms, achieve it by your own rules, and build a life you’re proud to live.

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Anne Sweeney

If there’s one thing I’ve learned in my short adult life, it’s that success isn’t a destination that you arrive at one day. Nor is it a point you reach and then stop.

A successful life requires a continued dedication to making yourself a better man today than you were yesterday. And to be sure, my definition of success has certainly changed over the last forty years of my life several times over. Therefore it wouldn’t be authentic of me to suggest there’s only one path to choose.

l might only advise against the wide, well worn path, in favor of the narrow one less traveled. I found, mainly through my own struggles, that the difficult path is typically more rewarding in the end.

But whatever your pathway, how do you know you’re truly making progress towards your successful life? The only way to do that is to check in with yourself daily and have some type of metric to track against.

So what metrics are important to you and which do you choose to define your success? Here are my six barometers of personal success:

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#1: How is my Spiritual Health?

Prior to 2017, this probably wouldn’t have shown up on my list at all. Now it’s my top priority. Ensuring that I am taking time out daily for prayer and meditation keeps my focus where it can make the biggest impact.

My daily Bible devotionals have gifted me helpful verses that gave clarity to current situations or allowed me to help a friend. Weekly study groups have allowed me to grow friendships and deepen my understanding of the Bible.

In the morning silence, I’ve found the answers to many open questions and pressing challenges. It helps me start my day grounded and allows me the space to begin again fresh each day by remembering the fruits of the spirit: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control .

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#2: Am I Being a Loving Husband?

Truth: I have been a horrible husband. I have been angry. I have been unloving. I have been the antithesis of every fruit of the spirit that I just listed above. Even today I know that I am far from the perfect man that I would like my children to become.

It’s important to me to check in each day and ask myself if I’m being the man that would attract my spouse or the kind that would drive her running to the hills. If I’ve been the latter, what can I do to reconcile, ask for forgiveness and find peace? How can I be the man my wife fell in love with more often? How can I be more helpful, more kind, more forgiving?

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#3: Am I Being a Kind and Loving Father?

I grew up in a very authoritarian house with lots of loud voices. It wasn’t necessarily abusive, just LOUD. There were a lot of rules, without a lot of relationship, which let to a lot of rebellion, at least on my part.

My brothers and I joke that we weren’t raised, we were enslaved. There were a lot of chores and we were constantly busy helping my mother cook dinner during the week and helping my Dad work on projects around the house each weekend. Today, I’m grateful for everything I learned. It taught me work ethic, how to cook, and the value of fixing things.

I’ve vowed to do try things slightly differently with my children. I’d like to pass down the positive work ethic and skills my parents taught me, but without the yelling, intimidation and fear that caused the distance and teenage rebellion.

Will my way work and help my children become responsible adults? I guess only time will tell, but I check in to make sure I’m building positive values, self-esteem, and a loving relationship with them on a daily basis.

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#4: How is my Personal Health: Mind & Body?

Let’s be clear: I hate running. Loathe it. I’m usually about fifteen minutes into my workout, before I recognize the value and benefit of it. My mind clears as my feet glide across the pavement and the endorphins begin to kick in.

In order to build muscle I typically train 2-3x / week with a group of guys doing high intensity interval training (HIIT) for an hour.

Whether I’m completing a run or a HIIT workout, when I’m done I’m left with a small sense of accomplishment and wonder at what the human body is (still) capable of. I’m grateful that I’m healthy enough to push my body to its limit.

Making sure that I’m getting my heart rate elevated above 135 bpm for at least 30 minutes, 4 times per week is my absolute baseline, however with a half-marathon and 25k race on the horizon, I’m training at significantly higher levels and focused more on giving my body the proper rest it needs in between workouts.

Meditation and mindfulness is part of my focus for a sound mind as well. This practice has helped me so much that I don’t mind considering it both a spiritual and health related practice and there’s plenty of scientific journal articles that back this up.((https://news.harvard.edu/gazette/story/2018/04/harvard-researchers-study-how-mindfulness-may-change-the-brain-in-depressed-patients/))((https://positivepsychology.com/benefits-of-meditation/))

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#5: Am I Happy With My Career?

Work is such a large part of our daily life, shouldn’t we enjoy what we’re doing? The sad fact is that many of us don’t, maybe because we put our love of money ahead of our true life’s purpose, or maybe because we just haven’t figured out what our life’s purpose is all about…

However, the honest fact remains: I have a wife and two children that need food, clothing and shelter, therefore, I must earn money.

The fact that I want to eat well, own a home in a nice neighborhood, and have my children receive a decent education increases the potential separation between the career I want and the lifestyle I’ve come to expect. And therein lies our stress…how do I become successful doing what I want and still live the life of my dreams without compromise?

Well, part of this being on my list is to make sure that I’m focusing on the right life balance to ensure I’m not putting too many financial burdens which force me to work a job I don’t enjoy to make a paycheck I NEED.

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#6: Am I Being a Good Friend & Neighbor?

Making new friends has never been a skill of mine, and keeping up with old friends has become increasingly difficult with kids…or maybe that’s just my excuse.

The ugly truth is that it always comes down to priorities and this one has been last on my list for far too long. It’s certainly not because I haven’t had great friends in my life, I have, and I still do today…this one is all on me not being the friend I know that I should be to others.

It’s my intention to improve this in a meaningful way each day.

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Building Intentional Habits

Building positive, intentional habits starts with making sure your thoughts are positive.

Your thoughts lead to your emotions. Your emotions drive your decisions. Your decisions drive your actions. Your repeated actions become your habits, and your habits ARE your character, the lens through which the world views you.

It requires a daily intention to do the hard things in life that build your strong habits and character. Unfortunately, much like spending time in the gym, the light weights won’t build your capacity to lift more. Becoming mentally tough doesn’t come from enjoying drinks on the beach, or spending nights out at Michelin rated restaurants drinking French Bordeaux either.

Don’t get me wrong, those things are nice too, but if you make those decisions your daily habits, you’ll soon find yourself further from your goals then when you started.

Make the hard decisions that you know will benefit you in the long run because your future self is the reward that’s more than worth the sacrifice today.

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Adversity is a crossroads that leads a person to choose one of two paths: character or compromise. Every time he chooses character, he becomes stronger, even if that choice brings negative consequences.

John Maxwell

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Conclusion

In order to be intentional about my future, I check in with myself daily on what I’ve defined as the six most important aspects of my life. Maintaining a credit balance in these categories is how I define my life as a success:

• Spiritual Health
• Being a Good Husband
• Being a Kind and Loving Father
• Maintaining a Sound Mind & Body
• Ensuring Career Satisfaction
• Building Solid Interpersonal Relationships

There simply aren’t enough hours in any given day to maintain a perfect balance in my six categories. Some days will require more time with my wife and some days will require more time at work to get the job done. Each will ebb and flow and that’s to be expected. The important thing to remember is not to neglect one to the point of bankruptcy.

Give yourself some grace when one category doesn’t get the attention you wanted to give it, simply begin again right now. Tomorrow is a new day.

How do you measure success is your life?